This last week was a unique challenge for me that I’ve never had to deal with in all the years that I’ve done missions - I got sick. Like good-and-proper sick. I’ve dealt with a couple sniffles here and there before, but nothing like full-blown bronchitis in the heat and humidity of Hawaii. I’m convinced there is nothing in this world that could have possibly prepared me for being cooped up in a stuffy, air-conditionless dorm room for 12+ days straight while struggling to breathe.
There is something uniquely miserable about having a fever and chills on a rickety top bunk when all you want in the world is to snuggle up on your own couch back home. Homesickness got a whole new definition for me once I became completely unable to function or help myself, and I realized that my mama wasn’t here to help take care of me either. Beyond feeling miserable and constantly struggling to breathe, being truly sick also came as a massive hit to the pride of my self-sufficiency. It takes a lot of humility to ask brand new friends for help when you’re so used to being able to take care of yourself and others. And it also takes a lot of emotional fortitude and optimism to stay positive even after having to say “no, I’m still not feeling any better” for the fifteenth time each day. Yet rather than letting my physical weakness and literally suffocating inabilities twist my perspective on my current situation, I chose to be thankful that so many people here do care about me and have been checking in to see how I’m doing. And even when I wished I could give them better news, I could still give them a genuine smile in knowing that I am blessed and could be in so much worse of a place than this. I know God has brought me to this place in this time for a reason, and not even a freaky viral infection is going to steal God’s glory. I have been so incredibly blessed by the friends I’ve made here and how genuinely they care about my wellbeing. My heart is so full of God’s peace in knowing that I’m loved and cared for, and that He can use me to love and encourage others even from the confines of my sickbed if that’s what He so chooses. My physical limitations are nothing to God, and He can and will use everything for the building of His kingdom. I have learned greater depths of resting into my own weakness so that I can lean on His strength to get me through. I have also learned how much He can do in the middle of my circumstances no matter what they may look like. I don’t need to be the one taking care of myself or anyone else because my life is already in His hands. He is the author, definer, and defender of my life, and I can happily lean into Him to provide for my wellbeing in every minute of every day. Those are things I already knew cognitively, and now know on a much more visceral level of literally trusting God for the strength for each next breath. Now I’m on the path to recovery and taking all of the right expectorants and antibiotics the clinic doctors have prescribed for me. I’m noticing small but steady improvements in my energy and strength every day since starting this regimen on Friday, and I’m hoping that I can return to the classroom in a day or two. But even if this recovery isn’t quick and I have to spend yet another week resting in a stuffy dim room, I’m choosing to be thankful for the many blessings around me and for the opportunity to learn more about trusting God in my day to day.
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One of the most iconic weeks in DTS is Father Heart of God week, and it’s always one of my favorites! It’s so essential to have a deep understanding of God’s heart as a father because the depth of any relationship will always depend on how well we truly know someone. To have a real relationship with God, we have to take the time to get to know Him personally.
Everyone has some idea of who they think God is, and that idea is usually based on the constructs of their own earthly parents or authority figures. We learn from the authorities in our lives, and we often project the same dynamics we have with them onto God too, but those models will always be flawed to at least some degree no matter how healthy they are. And unfortunately most of us have had models that were much less than healthy, which means that they are that much farther from the truth. I love Father Heart week because no matter how good or bad anyone’s earthly dad was, there is always something more to be learned about God’s heart as a father. His goodness transcends any model we could ever find here on earth. Abba God is the very definition of love itself - patient, kind, gentle, and generous. He is always present and always wants to be in relationship with us for no reason other than because we are His children. Even when we are actively screwing up, He never gives up on us. He loves to see us grow and thrive in our own unique ways, and He loves to give us good gifts that bring life and joy to us and those around us. When we walk with Him, we get to have Him encourage and coach us through all of life’s hardships. He will never quit on us or leave us hanging. He truly is THE good father! Last week we had the wonderful Christopher Tempero teach on this subject, and it was so cool to get to see him in action. Chris is the leader of the Italy team I’m committed to, and this was the first time I got to hear him teach on anything. After being sent off with tons of love from my family and friends, I’m now happily settling in to the YWAM Ships base in Kona, HI. I’ve been here for a few weeks now and they’ve kept me busy, which has been a wonderful way to get integrated with the group right off the bat! It’s interesting being here because this is the first time in 8 years that I’ve worked with YWAM at a base other that the primary UofN campus. We are still on the same island and in the same town, but about a 25 minute walk away from the campus I have long considered my second home.
Sadly I missed the first two weeks of DTS, but I’ve gotten to jump in on the rest of the classes since then and they’ve been fantastic so I thought I’d go back and summarize the highlights. For “Freedom Week,” we had a local missionary named Alissa come in and spend the week walking our class through the tools to walk in a lifestyle of freedom. Our schedule called it freedom week, but it was really all about identity. She covered the importance of walking in forgiveness, tools to break off the lies of the enemy, and strategies to hold onto your identity in Christ even when the enemy does everything he can to drag you back down into old mindsets. When we walk in bitterness and unforgiveness because of injustices that others have done to us or our families, we only continue to give them power to hurt us long afterwards. To hold onto bitterness is “like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies” - it will eat you from the inside out. To walk in unforgiveness is to sit in judgement of that other person rather that giving that responsibility back to God - the ultimate judge over all of us. At the end of everything, “we have all sinned and fallen short of the grace of God” (Romans 3:23). We have all been forgiven by God, and we insult that gift by refusing to extend it to a fellow sinner. (See also Matthew 6:14 and Matthew 18:21-35) There are many ways that the lies and traps of the enemy can come to hold us down, but they all separate us from living in the fullness of God’s goodness. Those lies will find any opportunity to take root in us, whether we knowingly come into agreement with them or simply leave an empty space in which they can grow. And as long as we are believing something false about our own selves or about the world around us, our eyes will be closed to the truth that opposes them. For example, when I used to believe that I was a nuisance, I couldn’t believe that anyone would want me around no matter how untrue that was. We can’t accept the beautiful truth of our value in Christ until we break away from the lies that the enemy has strategically placed around our lives. And he will always very predictably attack those things that are in fact your strongest traits or areas of potential. It is always the person with the wisest counsel who comes to believe that they don’t have anything to say, and it’s the people with the softest and most nurturing hearts that can be tricked into believing that they are toxic or harmful to the people they love. Those strengths that God has designed us to operate in are always going to be the first things the enemy tries to cut down and diminish, and that’s why it’s so critical to have God be the only one who defines our worth and our identity! One of the most powerful moments in class this week happened when we corporately came into agreement to renounce the lies of the enemy over our lives. One by one, we took turns publicly declaring “I break off the lie that...” and then the rest of the class would echo that declaration. This was so cool because it allowed us to stand in support of each other as well as recognize that we all get tricked into believing the same predictable lies. It gave courage for those who were the most afraid among us to hear others renouncing the very things they also needed to renounce. There was so much freedom and breakthrough in our class that day!! The only day that was more impactful was the one in which we replaced those lies with godly truths. We took all of the lies we had broken off the day before and asked Holy Spirit to tell us what God’s truth was instead. There was so much breakthrough and victory in the room, and it was so powerful to see our students standing in support and agreement with each other! We can usually see the truth over others’ identities even when our own identities are hard for us to grasp. Standing together in agreement of the truth is such a powerful way to feel the love of the body of Christ, especially in those moments when we are walking out of the lies of the enemy. I love seeing that breakthrough for our students and to see the transformation in each of them since them!! |
ErikaJeremiah 29:11 Archives
March 2023
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