Home... What an interesting word. I find myself looking forward to so many homes. "Home is where the heart is." How true! We recently moved back to Nazareth from Jerusalem. The place where we spent our first 3 weeks in Israel and where we have made so many friendships. The place where we spent so much time together as team and where we really do feel at home. So at home, in fact, we had Christmas in August together! We have loved every part of Israel we have seen, but there is just something special about Nazareth. Galilee is awesome and Jerusalem is beyond comparison, but Nazareth (though not nearly as beautiful) has become home. Even though we only get one more week, this is definitely where we are happy to spend it. And in two weeks we will be home again! In Kona, the place where DTS all began. After living there for three months together (6 for us staff), it has the comfort of familiar turf as well as many good memories to remember. It is the place where many of us came together as family and that many of us will return to either in the near or distant future. Even though its a rock in the middle of the ocean, it's a place that we feel connected to and that holds that warm, familiar feeling in our hearts that few places can achieve. It's home, not because of a specific building, but because of the memories, the friends that have become family, and the sweet encounters with God that have all left their marks on that landscape. And, of course, HOME HOME!!! For all the homes in the world, there is just something special about the one with your family. For me, Santa Rosa will always hold a place in my heart that no other home can replace no matter what. Home is being with my family. Home is familiar streets and houses and weather patterns. Home is being surrounded by love and having memories on every street corner. It's cuddling up with your favorite blanket in front of a fire on a cold day. It's cuddling up with my baby sister and watching Veggie Tales. So many little things yet that weave such a big, beautiful tapestry in my heart! And finally, home is where my heart longs to be. Home is where the heart is and each of these places are places that I have given a place in my heart. The place that holds the biggest part of my heart, though, is my eternal home. I know that each of these homes are transient, but the love in my heart that makes them so special pales in comparison to the love I will experience with my father in heaven in the home that I was created for. I will just have to wait a little bit longer to get there than to get to California. =)
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"The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." Psalm 9:9 I've found this to be a recurring theme throughout the Bible, especially Psalms, and I am realizing why. So many times in the last year, I have found myself at the end of my rope - ready to just flop on my bed, cry, and quit - but then God will drop little things like this my way. "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1 Even in my darkest and hardest moments, when I can't see any way out, I can hold onto that promise. Even when I can't feel Him, I know that He really is my ever-present helper. He never leaves me. In fact, it's in those times that I grow the most. "For in the day of trouble, He will keep me safe in His dwelling; He will hide me in the shelter of His sacred tent and set me high upon a rock." Psalm 27:5 Up high where no one can reach me: that's where I so often want to be. Even when it is impossible to have privacy or quiet in my moments of wanting to just melt down, I always know where to run. As soon as I turn to Him, it doesn't matter how bad it is. It doesn't matter how much I want to scream and cry. He is always there to catch me and to hold me close. "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10 It's in those moments where I don't have anything else to hold onto that I feel His comfort. It's when I'm alone that I can feel Him with me. In that moment where I could so easy give up and run away, He comes in and gives me strength and holds me up. He alone is good enough to continually lift me up and set my feet back on the rock. "Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord," Psalm 130:1 Oh, how often I have found myself empathizing with the Psalmists. No, my life is not at actual peril, but the prayers of my heart often find solace in the words of others who have also cried out to Him for help. And I know why. "The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him," Nahum 1:7 He really is faithful. He really is good. It's easy to say those things day to day as I go through life, but it's amazing how magnified His grace has been in my life in those moments of desperation. When I literally have nowhere else to go, those open arms of help are like an oasis in a never ending desert. "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution...?" Romans 8:35 No! "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39 What a comforting reality we live in. Time and time again, it doesn't matter what it is I face, He is always right here for me. His love is always enough to save me in any time of trouble or distress. He has proven His faithfulness over and over again and I am so blessed to feel His presence with me and to hear His words spoken either directly to my heart or through the beautiful words of scripture. How truly blessed I am!!! Some days, my brain just won't stop until I write things down. This is the result of one of those days. "They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, “Sit here while I pray.” He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” he said to them. “Stay here and keep watch.” Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him." (Mark 14:32-35 NIV) In his final hours, Jesus prayed. Yes, He prayed for the cup to pass, but He always came back to "not my will but yours be done." I don't think most people realize how rich this passage is; I know I didn't think much about it till now. Most people, include myself unfortunately, treat prayer like it's a means to an end. As if it causes a result of some kind or another. Whether it be financial blessing, healing, a release of spiritual power, or just for peace of mind, we believe in the power of prayer to affect both the physical and spiritual realities around us. What's wrong with that? Nothing. But is that what prayer IS? Jesus didn't spend his final hours in intense prayer in hopes that it would change something. He asked his friends to stay up and wait for Him, but not to appeal to God on His behalf. He knew there was no other way, otherwise He would have done it. He had that power to change His own fate if He so chose, but He didn't. He didn't even pray for it to be less painful because He knew that would defeat the point. There was no change to be made and He knew that going into it. So what was He praying for? In that question lies the answer. He wasn't. To pray for something is to have a reason or an intended result of the prayer. No, He wasn't praying for anything...He was just praying. Talking to God for the sake of talking to him. Coming into the presence of His beloved father not to receive something He didn't already have or take away something He didn't want, but just to be with Him in His hour of turmoil. To bear His soul in the most honest way possible. "Not my will but yours be done." A contradiction? A loophole? A conundrum? Jesus, while fully human, was fully - in every way - God. One with the father. Yet they had different wills? Somehow they are one in the same and yet in His humanity, Jesus had his own will apart from God's. There was no sin in Him and no separation between His heart and the father's *yet* so how is that possible? The answer: I have no idea. I'm not writing this to teach, but just to share some things God highlighted to me, so please please please take anything and everything to Him because what answers I do have I got from Him anyways. Thought inspiring, though, isn't it? If I were to venture an answer, it would be that perfect unity does not mean being identical. They both loved us so much that He was willing to sacrifice Himself, but that does not mean He didn't feel the strong emotions attached with death. Yet even in the face of torture, execution, and separation from God while in Hell, He did not falter. He poured His heart out to the father and concluded it leaning on His goodness and love even in the face of the worst hardship anyone has ever had to bear. That was the prayer Jesus prayed. And it's not that we are not supposed to ask God for things or expect Him to change the realities around us. In fact, we are to "pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests." (Ephesians 6:18 NIV) But see that it says prayers AND requests, not just to only go to God like He is a vending machine. Because let's be honest, if I only interacted with my dad when I was asking for something, we would not have a very close relationship. Instead, I spend lots of time talking with him, sharing my dreams and passions with him, and learning from him and because of that have a very good relationship with him. Like with God or anyone else, my relationship with him has grown with the time spent together just being ourselves without any agenda or expectation of each other. And when I do need something, I know that our relationship is strong enough that I can ask for it and expect that he will give me everything I need. Ok, last one. Jesus prayed. Think about it. If my first point didn't change the way you think about prayer, maybe this will. Him praying was not only for public observation or for the purpose of teaching, it was a real and intimate practice of his most personal and private moments. What does this mean? Well, what is the purpose of prayer? To ask God for things? Jesus didn't need to do that, he had divine power of his own. To get God's heart? He was God, he already had it. To grow closer to God? Maybe...but was there a distance to be crossed? Like I said, He was God. Just to be with Him and be in communication with Him? I think so. To intercede? Interestingly, yes, though that is also interesting when you think about it. We know from the Bible that Jesus stands before the throne of God interceding on our behalf at this very moment (Hebrews 7:25), but what do you think intercession is? Depending on your background, you may have different ideas of what intercession is. The actual definition, though, it to 'mediate on behalf of another.' To speak for them or to argue their case. This is what Jesus, our high priest, does for us before God. Even though they are one, they have different roles. God as a whole is perfect, as is the way the three relate to each other. Every aspect of each of their persons is perfect, yet that does not mean identical. Jesus the high priest and groom goes before the father and judge to present the case of His bride, who has been made clean by His blood. They both love us, yet relate to us in different ways just as we relate to them in different ways. They are in perfect relationship with one another and so communicate perfectly. And what is that model of perfect communication? Prayer. Communion with God. A bringing of our spirits before Him and simply being who we are in His presence and allowing who He is to gently shape us and in so doing, bringing us even closer to Him. Jesus taught it, Jesus lived it, and Jesus continues to in heaven until we are all there with Him. Well, we finally made it to the highlight of any trip to Israel: Jerusalem. One of the most religion, history, and culture saturated cities in the world. A place where mono-theistic people from all over the world come together to find God, whoever their perception of God is. Just entering the city, we could feel the atmosphere here. There is so much here that you can literally feel it in the air as soon as you are in the city. It's not just our opinion, either, but something many locals told us to be prepared for beforehand. I don't know what it is exactly, but there is no doubt a lot more spiritual presences here than in most parts of the world. Unfortunately, not everything has been in our favor. My co-leader and I were already sick when we came and only got worse in the first days here. Since then, she has gone to the doctor and gotten medicine and we are finally beginning to improve. Ramadan, the Muslim holy month, has been coming to a close finally, but that means lots of parties and calls to prayer going late into the night. We even got stuck in a crowd so thick we thought it would riot one night because we did not get out of the old city fast enough. We found out later that there actually was a riot on that street just a couple hours after we got out. Despite a not-so-good first experience, we have since gone back to the old city many times and had a good time. It is an atmosphere and experience that is hard to describe and that I hope everyone gets to experience at some point. There really is nothing like it. We were warned about the "Israel sickness," a condition that has no cure and apparently only gets worse every time you go to Israel. Symptoms include falling in love with Israel and the Jewish people. I think I've caught it. =) It is so surreal to be in Jerusalem and see such amazing things like the old city and the Dead Sea. There is so much history and richness in such a small area, I could spend the whole time being a tourist! In fact, we had a very fun day off and spent it going to the Dead Sea to relaxant enjoy the water, minerals, and mud. Not something I would want to do every day, but the water felt so weird and the mud made our skin amazing!! We have also had an amazing time just exploring the city, meeting people, praying for people, and sharing Jesus' love with everyone we can. God has been bringing us some amazing people and opportunities and we are all falling in love with being here. We have been in Jerusalem for a week now and have one more week before we move back to Nazareth. It is so strange to think we have already been in Israel for 6 weeks and only have a couple left. It has been quite a wild, hard (extraordinarily difficult, actually), and amazingly rewarding time that I know none of us will ever forget. I've found in recent months that a way God speaks to me in through music. Certain lyrics or choruses will suddenly start playing in my mind and have nothing to do with what I was doing but speak so perfectly to my soul. He has even used some secular songs to speak to me. Increasing, I will even wake up singing a song that later proves to be just what I needed for what the day holds. Today was a perfect example. =)
That song couldn't express what has been in my heart more perfectly. I was singing it to God all morning from a desperate place of needing Him and when I turned it on, His beautiful response came in the next song on my shuffle.
It is so good to be reminded who it is that gets me through, because it for sure isn't me! Halleluyah He holds me through everything and I really can feel His arms around me. Holding me close to Him and keeping me safe even when I feel like I'm falling apart. He is not just here to rescue me, though. The Bible is riddled with verses like Psalm 9:9 "The Lord is a refuge for the crushed one, a refuge in times of distress." But I don't want my relationship with him to be solely based on surviving. He did not make me to survive but to thrive. I am reminded to look to verses like 1 John 5:14-15 "And this is the confidence we have in approaching Him: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have what we asked of Him." And Revelation 5:10 "You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and they will reign on the Earth." He is "the strength of my heart" when "my heart and flesh fail" (Psalm 73:26) but that is not the end! Halleluyah! |
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March 2023
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