I've discovered something - I really love painting! Honestly, it's something I really enjoy for no apparent reason. I actually didn't come pre-packaged with a lot of talent, I just do it a lot and have learned from a plethora of mistakes. (trust me, that's not false humility...there's a reason only so many pictures are up here) I still don't tend to like my work, but I'm getting there. And I've found a new way to express said love: multiple canvasses! =D Unfortunately, there's no way to make that emote look as mischievous as my actual grin without looking evil. Proof: >=D ...just doesn't work. Even if I use >:D or I've done Japanese screens in the past, which have a similar affect, but are actually pretty different in application. This is more fun ^_^ Again, emote only sorta captures it. Hopefully, I'll get inspired again. I still seem unable to just sit and paint; I have to get hit with an inspiring idea or something like that for the product to be any good. God being who He is, those tend to involve material I don't know how to paint and require techniques I have not mastered yet. (e.g. water, face, storm clouds, lightning, etc.) Yay learning opportunities!!! If I'm lucky (by which I mean, if God gives me one), I'll wake up with another inspiration with which I can have fun playing around with paints. Maybe even a 3-canvass piece! XD Better
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If you know me very well, you know that family is extremely important to me. One of the hardest parts of being away from home for such long periods of time is missing things like birthdays and risking my youngest relatives forgetting me. That is why I am so thankful for technology!!
Today I got to FaceTime in to my cousin's 1st birthday party. They played pass around the iPad so I could say hi to everyone and then my brother held me up so I could watch her open presents. They even found a way to put the video feed up on the TV, so I got to be a talking head on the wall for half an hour, lol! I stay in regular communication with my family through e-mail and txting, but seeing them is something I truly missed. It was so good to see everybody's faces and hear their voices. Even though the party was thousands of miles away, I felt like a part of it and got to take part in our fun family chaos for a bit. I hope that my cousin remembers me as more than just a face on a screen by the time I go back home, but this way she will at least get to know me in that way, haha. I was caught off guard today, too. Amidst the passing and talking, I could have sworn I heard my Papa's voice in the background. It's funny how voices sound different over the phone; I don't know whose it was, but a few times I distinctly heard what sounded exactly like his voice. The first time, I almost instinctually asked if he was there and then it hit me like a wave. Again. That happens a lot now. I didn't show it - I wasn't going to bring down the party - but it did mean quite a few moments of quietly taking deep breaths as I continued to observe the happy gathering. I miss him a lot and its things like that that so remind me of him. Things that he would have been at. Family times together can't help but carry a new taste as he so obviously is not there. It can be possible to forget during daily life - in times or activities when he wouldn't have been present anyways. But any time I see my grandma or any time people get together, it's the one missing voice in the conversation that shouts the loudest. It's the one less laugh at a joke or the lack of his signature comments that make me feel like I've been punched in the stomach and gasping for air. I can't even imagine how my Grammy must feel in such times. I keep finding myself feeling like one day I'll wake up and he will be back and everything can go back to normal, but I know that will never happen. That's the difference between us. The trip I'm on will come to an end, so I can look ahead to October and know that I will be back home. No matter how homesick I find myself and no matter how long it feels I've been away from them, I can look at the calendar and see the day I will be home again and feel that day drawing nearer and nearer. Yes, I will see him again too, but it so much farther away. I don't know how far down the road it is and I can't just call him up when I miss him. I won't hear his voice or see his face except in lifeless photographs or old home videos. Those, I treasure, but no amount of VHS tapes can compare to a real hug. He's gone and, unlike me, has no return date. I do not feel hopeless, but I look forward to the day when we do meet again. His absence is tangible, but I know that this isn't forever. Just a lifetime. I am so grateful for every moment I did get with him and I can't wait to see him again. I'm just not a very patient person, which makes waiting for that hard sometimes. Being far away from someone you love has got to be the hardest thing I have ever had to go through, but it just serves to make those moments of contact sweeter. Hearing their voice over the phone. Seeing their smile on your screen. The first hug when you come home. The distance makes you realize how much you take for granted when you see them every day and it highlights what a big place in your heart they really have. It is hard and not very fun to be apart from them, but it is a blessing because it reminds you of how much you really do love them and makes the time that you have with them so much more valuable. It changes waiting and passing time into eager anticipation and looki. |
ErikaJeremiah 29:11 Archives
March 2023
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