Fear: I was curious about the literal meaning of the word and found that this definition does not seem to capture the raw emotional response and subconscious chain that can be 'fear.' The word 'afraid' is defined as the state of being fearful, so the dictionary itself seems confused enough to define a word with itself. That being said, I wondered how I would define this concept in my own words.
Fear is not an item you can touch, which makes the act of defining it a little more abstract, but it is something that all people seem to be affected by. It's universal and tends to be a pretty powerful motivator everywhere you go. You can be afraid of the physical, as in being afraid to take risks or being afraid in the face of an attacker, but it goes beyond that. We can be afraid of the unknown; afraid of the possible. There are rational fears and irrational ones -- phobias, anxieties, and things to worry about are so commonplace that we don't even think about them. We don't tend to consider what they mean. In my own life, I have been plagued by fears. It is a battle I have had to overcome on various scales throughout my life and I am confident I am not alone. An example of one such fear is over finances - a fear almost everyone I know shares in one degree or another - in fact, it's so normal to worry about money that it's seen as irresponsible if we don't. The root of it, though, screams against everything I believe as a daughter of God. If I were to stop and think about it, my fearing for money comes from a sense that it's up to me. That I have an effect - the only affect - on my own well being and provision. As I am someone who works to pay bills, this may not sound so illogical, but what does it imply? If I feel like I'm the one who is supposed to meet all my financial needs, I don't give God anything. He says He is my provider, but I'm not giving Him the time of day to be that when I spend all my mental energy on worrying about how I will get enough money instead of quieting my mind and letting Him show me how He has already planned for my needs to be met. Likewise is the fear of safety. If I am fretting about being in a dangerous situation, that means I am not keeping my eyes on Him as my father and defender. Obviously, I should be wise in not placing myself in dangerous situations unnecessarily, but when those times do arise it is important to know where my safety comes from. It seems, then, if fear is the state of tension around my own lack to be or do what I need, the opposite of that would be faith. Trusting God to keep His word that He's got my back. Whether it's His faithfulness to provide for my needs as He promises to do in Matthew 6:25-32, His constant presence to guide me as I go into new and unknown situations, or the promise He has given to bring me a godly husband in the right time, my trust in Him supersedes all fears that would try and take away that peace He has placed in my heart. The fruit of the spirit is peace, so where He is living and active in me, there can be no fear (John 4:18), but that can only happen where I have put my faith in Him and given Him that place to live inside my heart and mind. It is easier to fear than to have faith; in some twisted way it feels safer, but it will bring us no closer to God's heart or His will for our lives. Of course, there will always be that fight or flight survival response to things such as standing on the brink of a high precipice, but any fear I allow to camp out in my heart space is taking up a place where I could let God be in charge instead, and I would much rather let Him be the one that directs my path than my own short-sighted and self-serving thoughts. Every day, I am given the chance to make Him the Lord of my life who will never stop seeking good for me and being my light in the dark places, and I pray that I never turn Him down. A life that I've built for myself may be fine, but it is such a lower standard of life. I could spend my energy getting a good education, finding a decent job, working hard and saving my money, and settling down in an American dream home. I could spend my time focusing on things like how my portfolio looks, finding a guy to have a family with, and a million other things that aren't bad in any way. In fact, it does look like a decent 5-year plan, but it also looks like the breeding ground for a headache. It would take so much energy to get to that point, and all it would take would be one domino falling over for my whole perfect world to go haywire. I'm not saying I don't want these things, they are all great things to aspire to, but I would never want to do them in my own strength. I am already a person who struggles with fears and anxieties, so adding that level of responsibility on my own shoulders would be a terrible idea. I would much rather look at this potential future through God's lense. The lense of His plan for my life and Him being my safety net. He may take me into uncharted waters with no money and no idea of where the current is taking me, but if it's His idea, I trust that it will be a fantastic adventure and that He is the one who will make sure I make it to the other side in one piece as well as having grown a lot. I have already been swept along in this current to many different nations and even into some seemingly dangerous situations, but I have always come out stronger and more refined on the other side. He has proven to me time and time again that He will take care of me in every way, so why would I ever leave that covering for my own security? Even though my 5-year plan has gotten tossed out of the window and every day is an unknown, flying with Him is so much fun, there is no reason for me to want to tie myself down with those lead chains of fear ever again.
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March 2023
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