Today would have been my Papa's (John Strong) 67th birthday. Tomorrow will be the 22nd week since he passed away. I know that 5 months sounds like a long time, but it hasn't stopped hurting yet. I don't know if it ever really will. I don't say this in a dismal way, but I won't lie either - it's hard. Even in the pain, though, there is a light of hope in my heart. Besides my parents, he was probably the most influential person in my life. We were very close, literally from day one, as my whole family could tell you. I looked up to him more than I could ever say and growing up with him in my life really shaped me in a huge way. Not only was he such a loud voice speaking love into my life, but he also spoke Jesus into my life as well. He was a pastor for many many years and I grew up having God, Jesus, and spiritual realities being regular topics in which I was actually encouraged to participate and think for myself and make my own conclusions - leading me to make my faith my own at an extremely young age and thus contributing majorly to where I am today. I always knew I was called to the nations and even when he sometimes thought I was being a little hasty in getting there (not finishing college), he heard my heart on it and believed that I was really hearing the Holy Spirit for myself. He gave me his blessing, wisdom, and encouragement as I stepped out and he continued to be one of my biggest supporters till the day he died. I am so blessed to have had him in my life for as long as I did and to have had such a strong and rare relationship with him. Next Saturday I will be co-leading a team to Isreal - a place where he went before me and I so wanted to be able to tell him about. It is a big step for me and I am so excited! This is where God has been leading me for some time now and it is one of my joys that I at least got to share with him the potential of my going there before he passed. While I am painfully aware that I will never be able to come home and tell him the stories of the amazing things God will do there or show him the pictures of my friends and teammates, I know that He is in heaven watching me and I can feel that he is so proud of what I am doing. I am leaning heavily on Jesus as my strength and as my comforter as I prepare and pack to go. Though he isn't coming back and I know I won't get to see him until I, too, go home, I feel connected with him through Jesus. All of those years of him pouring into me and modeling his own love for God, whether intentionally or unintentionally, really helped me learn to run to Jesus and now it seems fitting that I am running to him in this time and in this way. I really got to feel a part of God's love through him and now I can feel that same love even in his absence. Thank you, Jesus for giving me the most amazing Papa in the world for the 19 years that I did have him and thank you that, because he loved you so much, I know that I am never alone.
0 Comments
Last night we had what we fondly dubbed 'staff hunt' - we decided to do a scavenger hunt in which the staff hid downtown in costume and our students had to go find us and collect our autographs. A bit unusual, but it was super fun! My roommate is also going to a Middle Eastern country and so we accidentally both had the idea of dressing in Muslim garb and ended up hanging out together, therefore looking like two Muslim women walking down the street. It was pretty fun, though extremely hot underneath that head-wrap and it gave me a whole new appreciation for Muslim women. Though it had simply been an idea for a costume, the two of us found that it turned into quite the social experiment! At first, we laughed at the fact that nearly every person that passed us didn't seem to know how to react. Even our students, whose goal it was to find us, would stand back a few yards for quite some time debating whether or not to approach us on the off chance that we were actually Muslim women. (We covered our faces) Our friend Isaac dressed up pretty Muslim as well, but people could obviously tell he was a white guy, so he didn't get the same reactions as we did. We would be walking down the main street and the conversations of those passing us would inevitably pause as everyone pretended they weren't shocked to see us. Some didn't even bother trying to hide it - as if we couldn't see their slack jaws and confused expressions. Interestingly enough, though, when I went into the drug store to buy something and took my face cover off, everyone thought it was great fun. The woman behind the counter was as friendly as always and the man in line behind me struck up a conversation with me about it, as friendly as could be. As long as people could see my face and the fact that I was a white woman, they loved me. The scarf went back up and the looks continued. All night, something was bothering me about it and I couldn't put my finger on it till then. When people could tell I was one of them in a costume, they thought it was great. But when people thought the two of us were actually Arabic women together in Hawaii, they treated us like we didn't belong. While there is a degree to which that reaction is understandable - after all, it isn't every day you see two full clad Muslims walking around in Hawaii - they are still people and they deserve better than that. Had I actually been an Arabic woman on vacation, I would have felt so ostracized and completely unwelcome. Is that the impression we want to give people from other cultures? I know probably very few of the people we passed were Christians, but even so, should we not have a higher standard? Especially as Christians, we are called to love everyone with the love of Jesus. It really made me look at myself - how would I react if I saw the two of us walking down the street? Would my first reaction have been one of love? While I'd like to say yes, it's more likely it would be a reaction of confusion and therefore less likely to reach out in love. I feel like this innocent experience really helped prepare me. On outreach, I will see such women everywhere and will not be surprised at all by it because I will be ready for it and looking for ways to reach out in love. But outreach isn't just a 3 month trip, it's a lifestyle. Not only did I come away from last night with a bit more of an understanding of what people from other cultures experience when they come to the States, but I came away with a conviction not to be that gawker from across the street. I can't explain how nice it was to receive that warm smile from the teller - the first in a long night of odd stares - and would much rather be that person who shows kindness regardless of outward appearance than the one who unintentionally communicates not belonging. There will always be people different than me everywhere I go and they will probably have very different beliefs than me. But different or not, Jesus loves them and therefore so do I. He died for them too, regardless of their nationality, gender, or anything else. So why should anything like that affect how I treat them? It's that time of year again! For any of you who have gone through the YWAM Kona base, this term no doubt instantly brings memories of hitchhiking, sharing the gospel, and awkwardly asking strangers for food. <-- Like these guys! OK, that deserves and explanation... A "Faith Journey" is what we call a trip based off of Matthew 10:5-14. "...As you go, proclaim [the gospel], heal the sick...freely give. Do not [bring any money] with you....no bag for the journey or extra shirt or sandals..." So, that was extremely paraphrased, but basically it. We sent our students out in teams without anything but bottles of water, sunscreen (we wanted to be responsible leaders) and IDs. No money, no food, and only one cell phone per team with strict emergency-only instructions. While this may sound a bit cruel and unusual to someone who has never done this before, trust me, it is an experience none soon forget and very few regret. (Please note that those who do regret it is because they did it with a bad attitude and admit that they made it miserable for themselves) We sent out 7 team with these instructions as well as the objectives to find housing for the night, not come back till lunch the next day, share the gospel with at least one person along the way, pray for healing, serve someone, and to somehow bless someone with a material blessing - keeping in mind that they are bringing nothing with them at all. And they did it!! The stories that come back when schools do this are astounding! Not a single person missed a meal or spent the night homeless. In fact, most of them ended up eating better on their Faith Journey than they normally do on base! And - this is most people's favorite part - a couple teams even spent the night at the Marriot! Not to mention that others stayed at places like private vacation homes and were fed not just good food, but HUGE quantities of it. One girl prayed specifically for Macaroni Grill and GOT IT FOR LUNCH!!! The best part is what the results were. Our students came back unified beyond belief and utterly bursting with faith. Just after living 24 hours relying on God completely gave them such a new threshold of faith for provision. Seeing the look in their eyes when they told us what happened is priceless! And they also made a ton of connections along the way. Every person they prayed for, talked to, blessed, and were blessed by got to encounter the Holy Spirit in a different way. It was a mass seed-planting expedition. Hearts got touched, lives changed, and if nothing else, the question raised: "What do these crazy, faithful young people have that I'm missing?" After doing things like this, it really makes me realize what life with God is supposed to be like. I'm not saying we are all supposed to go out on the streets penniless and planless and see what happens with the rest of our lives, but the principal is the same: trusting God for literally everything in every moment. To lean on Him for support because we know that otherwise we've got nothing. When we truly practice putting God in that position in our lives, He really does step in and provide. No one went without food, housing, or fellowship both with their friends and with their loving creator and provider. Before they were even hungry, God knew what He was going to feed them and where they would be sleeping that night. He doesn't just give us the sandwich we need to not be hungry anymore, but He sends a full picnic spread simply because He loves and wants to bless His children with extravagant gifts. (yes, that actually did happen) What a good God!!! It's also really convicting. It really makes me realize how that is not how I normally treat God. I ask Him to be my provider, and I give Him that position in some areas, but have I really surrendered every inch of my life? Do I really have the faith to step out and believe that somehow I will eat lunch even though I'm starving and broke?? In a way, yes, I suppose I do...stepping out as a missionary relying completely on the support I need Him to bring does count as faith. But it is also so easy to use that as my get-out-of-jail-free card. It is so easy to brush it off with a "I'm a poor missionary, of course I live by faith," when in reality, it doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing, I don't think I will ever be done surrendering more to Him. I never want to grow complacent in my surrender to His heart. I want to be constantly stepping out and saying "OK, God, where to next?" and truly believing that He will take care of my every single need without me working for it or earning His blessings. And He has given me another opportunity to do so... In exactly 2 weeks, I will be going to the Middle East with my team. By then, I need to somehow have gotten in just under $2,100. I had thought it was less, but just found out I had been mistaken. I know it makes no difference to God - He is going to provide every penny for it anyways - but it's moments like this when I really get to practice having faith. Faith that He is going to provide for me and my other co-leaders who are also trusting for provision. I can't wait to see what God does in this situation! If you would be open to the Holy Spirit leading you, take a moment and ask God if helping be a part of that provision is something you can do. Honestly, any amount from $20 to $2,000 is helpful and extremely appreciated. I know that this is where God has led me and that He IS going to get me there. He has taken me this far and so I have no reason to think that He won't continue. Thank you, everyone, for your generous support and PLEASE keep me in your prayers!! If you feel like you would like to join my support team, checks can be sent to 5338 Vista Grande Dr. Santa Rosa, CA 95403 or PayPalled directly to me at [email protected] And if you happen to know anyone who might want to support me, pass them my information =) Coming:
Last week, one of our students lost a cross necklace at the beach. It was given to him by one of his grandparents and was pretty important to him, so he was sad at its loss. We prayed briefly for it to be returned to him and hoped for the best, but let's be honest here... when do we pray those things and actually expect them to happen? Well it did!! A few days later, one of the staff was walking barefoot and stepped on it. On a dirt path miles away from the beach!! It was such a small, random thing, but God cared enough for Dan to bring his cross necklace back in such an abnormal and loving way. =) So cool!!! Going: This weekend we also lost something, or more correctly, someone. Yunmi, one of the Korean women in our school, and the leadership agreed, after much prayer, that it was best for her to not go on outreach. Instead, she bade us farewell and went home to Korea. As a school, we gathered together the night before her departure to pray for her, bless her, and say our goodbyes. This morning, we waved goodbye one last time as she drove to the airport. It is always sad to see one of our students leave us, but we are in agreement that this is what God is doing in her life right now. We bless her and pray that God continues to take her into even more growth in Him wherever she goes. Amidst all of the coming and going - finding and losing - God continues to be good! He shows His goodness in unexpected and unpredictable ways. His love never fails, but that doesn't mean that we can predict it. He does things we do not expect and sometimes does not do things that we were expecting, but we can rest assured that every action and inaction of His in rooted completely in love for us and is for our best. While we do not sometimes understand it, His hand at work really is remarkable. And even though it can be frustrating at times, it is such a comfort to know that He can love us in ways we do not understand. If we could understand it, that would mean His love was like ours. Comparable. Thank God it is anything but!!! I know myself and my own dysfunctional forms of love well enough to know that they are beyond flawed. And that's OK. I'm not perfect [yet] and He does not expect me to be. But His patience endures and He continues to model for us His perfect love - something we do not know how to deal with at the moment, but that continues to be the lesson He teaches our hearts and that we are slowly inching our ways closer and closer towards. Someday we will be with Him and He will be able to explain to us the things that we cannot grasp at the moment. Until then, I continue to lean into Him and ask Him for more of His love and more revelation about the way He loves, knowing that it might be the most confusing thing in the world to me, but that it is also the thing that I can rely on and never have enough of. For years I have been in a constant cycle of pain - between my hips, my back, my neck, my knees, my ankles...you name it, it has probably given me issues. Because of this, I feel it has changed my perspective on life in different ways over time. I didn't know how much until recently, when I looked back at the ways it has affected me.
It has most definitely driven me closer to God in that I am consistently praying and asking for prayer for healing and the relief of pain. Those prayers have been answered countless times in the moment, but I have yet to see that healing be permanent. Still, any improvement is cause for celebration in my book! It has also given me a lot more compassion for people with injuries. While my pain is not at the same level as many peoples', the relentlessness of it and instances where it really is bad enough to immobilize me have truly given me compassion for others in pain. Both for those in even worse states than myself as well as even someone's headache or sprained ankle. It has given me more faith. While some might be discouraged by the lack of truly lasting change, I choose to see every single instance of God's grace in my life. Every time He had relieved my pain, every time I have woken up in less pain than the day before, every time I do something that should increase my pain but doesn't, is a miracle! I have found prayer to be the most powerful answer to pain possible and because of that I have more faith to ask for prayer for myself as well as to offer prayer to others. It has made me more determined. When I literally always have a good excuse to get out of things, it has actually created in me a greater sense of prioritizing and pushing through for different things. Instead of using it to get out of things I might not want to do, it has given me a challenge to stay and fight. To persevere and seek God in the most mundane and painful of situations. I've realized that, while I could use it as a get-out-of-jail-free card, the fruit of staying is oftentimes worth it. There are times when I literally cannot physically continue to do whatever it is we are doing, but if I stay as long as I can, I find I have so much more of a sense of accomplishment than if I just quit once the pain starts escalating. Because honestly, I wouldn't do much with my life if I did, and this life is too beautiful to miss. Because of the need to fight for such things, what once would have seemed to be a nuisance becomes worth pouring my attention into. What had seemed a little pointless becomes something I am sacrificing for and that I WILL find value in lest the pain be for nothing. And it is surprising what value can be found in things if you are truly looking. It has made me more optimistic. The temptation is so strong to succumb to the pain and give up - to let myself be in a bad mood - but what's the point in that? After many times of letting myself go to a place of succumbing to my circumstances, I have realized that that is no way to live. I would much rather find myself hobbling down the street nearly in tears and yet be able to smile and smell the flowers. I would rather sing when I want to scream than give in and waste away into a heap of gray emotion and hopelessness. Been there, done that, not going there again! And then it hit me... In a brief moment of truly not having anything in my body hurt, I feel like I had an epiphany. Feeling nothing was seriously one of the sweetest sensations I had felt in as long as I could remember. But would I have appreciated that moment half as much if I was not in my current situation? If I did not know what it was like to live in chronic pain, would I be able to find such sweet serenity in the peaceful moments in-between? And that got me thinking... On the same train of thought, would I love the quiet as much if I did not live in a loud environment? Would I find so much life in joy if I had not known such deep depression? Would I so anticipate trying new things now if I had never had a hard time trying new things in the past? To me, at least, the answers to these questions are pretty obvious. The questions they led me to were even more eye opening. Could someone who had never been in bondage be able to fully comprehend the ecstasy of being set free? While I have never been physically enslaved, I have known all too well the feeling of being spiritually enslaved, and let me tell you that the first moments of freedom are indescribably surreal. True ecstasy. I can't even imagine having actually lived a life as a slave and then being given my freedom. And then the big one: Would I appreciate God's saving grace if I was not so aware of my sin? Most definitely not! There is something about the moments of peace that make the life of chaos worth it. That make the silence worth the torrent. That make the gift worth the gaping void. I know I would not have such an appreciation for my own life, this world, the people around me, or God's incredible love if I had not walked every step of my life up to this point. No matter how hard some of those days were, they were worth it for me to gain some more of God's perspective. For that reason, I would not go back and change any of it even if I could. It gives me whole new appreciation for every event of my past, present, and future. Just as all of my past trials have built in me a character I would not have otherwise, everything I go through now is creating in me even more. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds..." (James 1:2 NIV) "...We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." (Romans 5:3-5 NIV) As you probably know if you read my blog, I am an author. I love reading and writing and plan on doing so indefinitely no matter where in the world I end up. I have always wondered, though, to what end? If nothing else, simply because I enjoy writing, but I have hoped that my books will not always be just for me and my friends who have read them. This last week, we had a speaker named Bob Hartley. He is a very prophetic man and taught on Hope. His teaching was really great, emphasizing that God is the reason for everything and worth adoring. It is in adoring Him and loving Him that we grow closer to Him, and that is when we can hear Him more clearly and when we have hope that fills us up. Such a good reminder!! In addition to his awesome teaching, he prophesied over quite a few of both staff and students, including myself. Prophecies coming from someone you don't know are always to be taken with a grain of salt, but everything he said rang true. He had the most detailed words I have ever heard before - he knew my friend Danny's phone number!! And the word he gave me was also very impressive considering he had never met or even seen me before. He said I was going to write a 5 book series that will help restore hope to people's hearts who have been rejected and lost hope. That is so encouraging!!! I had not been planning on writing such a series, but just knowing that God has a plan for my love for writing is awesome! I also know that such a thing would not be something I can just make up on the spot. While I might be able to brainstorm ideas for stories, I want what I produce to bear the best fruit possible, and that means God being in the center of it. I will write what and when He wants me to and I can't wait for Him to open the door for that partnership with His heart for the broken. Until then, I will continue to seek His face and keep working on the book I am already in the process of writing. Who knows? He might give it to me tomorrow or next year. Speaking of the prophetic, my sister! My grandma, my mom, and my sister Elora came to visit me for Elora's 11th birthday and she ended up tagging along to a lot of our class stuff. Even at age 11, I love seeing her own love for God growing. It is so encouraging to see one so young find her own relationship with the Holy Spirit. She is proving to be a mighty prayer warrior as well as increasingly prophetic! She joined us one night and we ended up praying for healing for people in the room. Not only did she boldly go around praying for sprained ankles, headaches, etc. but she also [inadvertently, I think] prophesied and sang over two of them without fear or hesitation. My students were astounded and I could not have been more proud, not event hat she prophesied over them, but that she is so solid in God that she would step out and do something like that. At an age where I was declining hard and fast, she is rising and singing - it fills me with such hope and joy for the future!!! I love her SO MUCH and I am so blessed to have her as my sister, my friend, and someone that I get the privilege of walking through life with! |
ErikaJeremiah 29:11 Archives
March 2023
Categories |
|