As I’m sure anyone in the Christian realm knows, “revival” has been quite a buzz word these last few weeks. The outpouring of the Holy Spirit at Asbury got many believers hungry for what God is doing, and it’s so exciting to see the ways God shows up when we get hungry!!
People in the Charismatic realm have been calling for revival for as long as I can remember. As our world turns farther and farther from God and His ways, the need for a fresh dose of Jesus becomes increasingly apparent. A lot of people I’ve heard talking about revival act like it would be the answer to all our problems - like a magic wand that will sweep through and save the day - which is an interesting take. It begs the question of what we think “revival” means. Literally, to revive means to bring new life to something. So what does it look like for God to bring new life to the church of 2023? Is revival an event we attend and expect to spread on its own, or is it an attitude we carry and steward for ourselves? I’ve been chewing on this question and I think it’s a bit of both.
While there’s not much you or I can individually do to change the face of our culture at large, we are each one of those millions and we get to choose to let our own individual lives be transformed. Hopefully enough of us will make that personal choice for a noticeable change to start growing, but ultimately the choice is ours to make no matter how many people are joining us in making it.
The part of revival that is entirely out of our hands is undoubtedly the part where God shows up in a new way. We get to steward hunger and position ourselves to receive the Holy Spirit, but there’s nothing we can do to force or manufacture the fruit of His presence. Only He can bring deliverance and true freedom from the chains that bind us. Only He can show up and do the impossible. Only He can speak to the hardened hearts and crack through that protective shell to bring true transformation. We need God to show up and do what we can’t, and that’s what we need to be hungry for.
Your pastor can’t carry your hunger for you. No worship leader or speaker can choose it for you. Only you get to decide how hungry you are for God to show up and heal your most broken parts. You get to decide whether or not to go to that mid-week service after a long day at work. You get to decide whether or not to get up an hour earlier in the morning to read your Bible before you start your day. You get to decide whether to surround yourself with other hungry people or to keep hanging out with people who are comfortable with life the way it is. Change doesn’t happen unless you're willing to receive it. It’s something we either make space for or we don’t.
I hope that this season of revival, no matter how big or small it becomes, leads us to value personal intimacy as well as corporate engagement. I hope it inspires us to lean into the ways God is knocking on the doors of our hearts and minds. I pray that we do get to see that wide-spread transformation of culture, and first I’m looking to see God transform my own life so I can better reflect Him and carry that contagious hunger with me wherever I go. My biggest prayer in this season is that the revival at Asbury would just be the beginning of something much greater. A pre-shake to get us excited for the big quake that’s coming. Pressure is building under the surface in our country, and we need a true eruption of God’s presence to shake us to our cores. May God give us a yearning and a desperation for more of Him. For more Truth. More of what’s REAL. May our hearts cry out for the Living Water and not be silenced or satisfied by appetizers.
“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” Matthew 6:33 TLV
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Happy 2023!! I know it's February now and that the year is therefore well under way, but I still feel like I'm recovering from the holidays so I'm gonna keep saying it. 2022 absolutely flew by, and I have a feeling this year will too... I don’t know about the rest of you, but the holidays this year were all-consuming and I’m really thankful to have the normal pace of life back. I love the joy and fun that comes from being with the people I love, and I also need rest and routines in order to thrive in my day-to-day life. Especially if I’m going to be ready for all of the increase this year will hold! God has given me a system of routines that act like a support lattice for everything else He wants to add. I need to hold onto them first and prioritize the health that they give me so there will be room for more. And I’m really excited for all the “more!”
Like many people, I start the year in reflection and prayer and ask God for a theme, verse, or word to carry with me. This year God gave me the word “patience.” I have to admit that I was far from excited to hear that when He first said it, but I’ve been praying about what that means for this year and He’s given me a beautiful perspective on what patience means in my life this year. I think my initial reaction was based on an assumption that He was telling me I needed patience. I was assuming He was saying this year would be arduous and hard to get through. I can’t say that won’t be the case (although I really hope it isn’t), but God said that’s not why He told me this year is about patience. I feel like patience is the gift He’s giving me this year. He isn’t just bracing me for hard things to come, He’s promising me the grace to get through them. It’s still not quite as cheerful as a word like “joy” or “increase” would have been, but I have a feeling those things will come in time as well.
I get to rest in knowing that my story is just beginning. It doesn’t make the wait go by any faster, but it does give me hope for what lies on the other side of it.
Patience gives me the strength to know that what’s coming is worth waiting for. I’m not sure how long I’ll have to be patient or what all I’ll need to be patient for, but it’s pretty cool knowing that this year is about patience because that means that something spectacular is going to happen along the way. Maybe even a few spectacular things - we’ll have to wait and see!! Happy Holidays!!! I intended to write this post about a month ago but as per the usual holiday rush, Thanksgiving came and went before I was able to carve out this time to sit down. Oh well, c’est la vie.
I still haven’t seen an opening into the industry I came here to purse, but I know that will come in time. From the day this move became a reality, my biggest prayer request was for healthy community. A job is important and wonderful to have, but no job can make up for having good people around you. I knew I wouldn’t make it here very long without community. And now every single time I get to connect with someone new and see how perfectly our paths have crossed, I give thanks to God for bringing me here in this exact time to this exact place. He truly knows my heart better than anyone else ever could, and He hasn’t overlooked a single detail in crafting this new home for me.
I have complete faith in God’s call on my life to be a light in dark places. He has brought me to a place where my light can truly stand out and shine, and I trust Him to choose which lampstand to place me on. Until then, I will persist in building my skills, doing what I love, feeding my spirit in Him, and building strong and healthy relationships with the other amazing people He has brought here.
For those of you who have so generously and graciously agreed to keep me in your prayers, know that I am living in the fruit of your faithful intercession! And please continue to pray for provision – both financial and even more importantly influence. I truly want to make a positive difference in this world, whether big or small. I’m praying that God leads me to opportunities to make that difference and to be a blessing on every level. He has given me a voice and now I’m just waiting for the right time and place to use it. Thank you for standing in agreement with me for the future God is building.
I pray that your holidays will be filled with the Father’s abiding peace and overwhelming joy! May His presence reside in your homes and bring the fulness of His blessings to each one of you!! And may 2023 be the year of God’s favor for all who trust in Him. <3
The crazy thing is, I didn’t even realize how much I’d internalized this negative perception of my own soul until God pointed it out to me.
We are holistic creatures made with beauty and purpose. God gave me deep emotions to be like His. He gave me intelligence to enjoy discovering new things and learning about His creation. He gave me a strong will to stand up for what I believe in and fight for what’s important to me. Every single thing that can go awry can also be used in beautiful and powerful ways when submitted to Christ. I knew this cognitively, but didn’t even realize that my actions weren’t matching up with that reality.
I’m trusting for God’s provision to cover every part of my life, including community, creativity, and finances. He’s already begun connecting me with new people and has just unlocked this new understanding of my own creativity, so I know a job must be on the way. Until then, I will continue to enjoy the peace of knowing that I am His and that I get to create with Him. I will build on the talents He’s given me, seek out whatever training and instruction I need, and wait expectantly for Him to show up and do what I can’t. Thank you to everyone keeping me in your prayers as I go through this wild faith journey! *I put an asterisk here because God actually did provide for my birthday at the last minute. A dear friend of mine needed a ride from the airport so I got to pick her up and go to dinner with her that evening. Even my loneliest birthday yet was still filled with love, both near and far.
A lot has happened in the last year or so and I honestly haven’t felt stable enough to document it along the way, but now with some 2020 hindsight (no pun intended) I can see how it was all connected... I’ll rewind all the way back to April 2021 - a little over a year ago. I had moved to Italy with every dream and intention of making a life there, and yet after one agonizingly long month I felt chewed up and spit out by the place I had so wanted to call home. So much for that dream.
With no plans or opportunities lined up for me in California (everyone thought I was gone for good so there wasn’t exactly a welcoming committee waiting for me), my extended family in Idaho took me in and gave me a safe place to fall apart and sort myself out. It was beyond generous of them and was exactly what I needed. I got to spend some long-overdue quality time with my nieces and nephews, and also with myself.
I finally let myself ask God the hard questions and grapple with His answers (or sometimes the lack thereof). It was from that freshly-cleaned slate that God gave me the clarity I needed. After 20 long years, the first dream I’d ever had about my life was still as real as ever, and I finally acknowledged that it wasn’t going away. Other dreams have come and gone, but this one never changed. And so I emerged with a new willingness to put everything I have left back on the line to pursue something completely impossible: the life of a storyteller. I’ve spent the last year laying this dream before God and asking Him to do the impossible. I’ve been expanding my skill set and trying to build up my portfolio as best I can, but even my best efforts are never going to compare to His help. If He doesn’t make it happen, I’m not going anywhere.
I’m still applying for jobs and still waiting for God to open the right door at the right time... It just appears I’ll be waiting down in LA rather than here in Santa Rosa. It’s not how I would have planned it, but sometimes that’s sort of the point haha. My plan gets in my own way too much. If this is how He wants my path to turn, then I trust Him to provide for it. All that is to say, God has done a lot in my heart and in my life. I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing, and zero guarantee that this won’t be yet another colossal failure. But even my failures have taught me valuable lessons about God and about myself, and I was always given the opportunity to help at least a couple people along the way so I suppose they aren’t such bad failures after all. I’m done letting the fear of “failure” be the reason for not trying. Nothing God has ever called me to do has been easy. It’s always required massive leaps of faith, and I’ve never regretted taking them. I would rather leap and know that I’m in His hands than to do what I know is “safe” in my own strength. My heart as a missionary has always been to love the lost, the broken, and the hurting the way Jesus would. To bring freedom by speaking truth into the darkness. My mission field used to be in other countries, and in many ways my mission here remains the same. I want to love people well and to let them know that Jesus loves them too. I want to bring the Holy Spirit with me into movie sets, coffee shops, pitch meetings, brainstorming sessions, and anywhere else that I might have the privilege of going. My skills are limited, but His are mighty. And I know that whatever does or doesn’t happen in this new season of life will be for His glory one way or another. I also know that I can’t do this alone. I’ve only survived these last few years because of the love and prayers of my community, and that need is about to increase significantly. I’m stepping into a very dark and very intense place, and I need the covering of your prayers now more than ever. Please let me know if you are willing to commit to be on my prayer team for this next year as I get established in LA and wait to see what God does next.
I used to spend hours on end working on art homework in school, and I never got tired of it. If anything, I gained energy and inspiration the longer I worked. That's the only time I've ever felt like that, so I figured it was finally time to do that for real. Unfortunately as soon as I started taking my art seriously again, I also felt the reality of how far behind I am. In many ways I'm starting over from scratch, and that's not a feeling I'm used to. It's way too easy to start comparing myself to the recent graduates and industry professionals that I'm starting to work with, but that comparison is totally toxic.
If I were already perfect at something, then there would be no room for change or growth. I love seeing progress in my style as I continue to grow my skillset and expand my interests. I'm proud of where I've come from and I'm excited about where I'm heading. I wouldn't get to have any of that if I was always perfect all the time (despite what my inner critic would have me believe). I'm proud of who I've become and how hard I've had to work to get to this version of myself. I never want to stop becoming someone better than I was the day before. And inherently, therefore, I can never actually arrive at perfection (even if that was possible) because then there would be nowhere else to go. So then I can stop pressuring myself to hurry up because it's not a race! I want to push myself to improve, but not to the point of putting myself down for not being something I'm not supposed to be.
This year has been far from anything I'd hoped or imagined it would be, but because of that it's brought me breakthroughs and experiences I'd also never expected. With each raincloud comes a silver lining and the refreshing rains of change to keep my heart soft. In every step of change, God remains faithful and true. With every loss, His provision continues to hold me and offer new direction. I don't know what the future holds, but I know it will be messy and beautiful in ways I can never see coming. I'm just so glad I get to come along for the ride!
Although I only got a few weeks in Italy, I did learn a lot while I was there and I feel like I took away some important reminders of who I am and how I want to live no matter where in the world I am. The one that stands out the most is most eloquently described by the Italian phrase “la vita dolce” - the sweet life.
Now that I’m no longer in Italy I still want to take this mindset of la vita dolce with me. I want to invest my time and my self wisely, and that's the best way I know how. To slow down and take time to enjoy the moments that matter most. Sometimes they’re moments shared with the people I love, and other times they’re simple moments of silence like taking a walk down a country road.
I'm officially in Florence! After long last! I was feeling ambitious enough to try taking a video and clearly had some technical difficulties along the way, but I think this take is at least viewable haha. Please forgive the poor videography. My landlady Deborah lives across the courtyard from me and she is very sweet! She's kept me stocked with groceries since I can't go out while I'm on quarantine, and she visits me in the evenings so we can watch TV together and teach each other Italian and English. I've already been on quarantine for a week now, so there's still one more week to go. I can't wait to finally go out and see the city, but it's been raining so much I'm sure it's going to be pretty different from the memories I have of summer 2018. In the meantime I spend my days in isolation and slowly lose my mind. Thankfully having a constant stream of music on helps me feel less alone, and studying takes my mind off of the fact that I don't have anything else to do haha. Somehow though, even though being lonely sucks, I can definitely tell that the rest is good for me. I've been running full speed ahead the last few months, and now I can finally let myself hold still for a bit before starting something new. It's one of the biggest transitions I've ever had to make, and I know I need to give myself the time and space to process all the emotions that are attached to it. OK that's it, I hope you enjoy the incredibly short videos below. And I promise I'll try to do a better one later at some point once I have more territory available to show off =) Post-video update: I am no longer the only resident of the apartment. Last night a new girl named Mizuki arrived from Japan, I believe she will also be a student at Scuola Toscana with me. Unfortunately she doesn't speak any English and we are both still pretty bad at Italian so we don't talk much. Apparently a man will also be staying in the downstairs bedroom for a little while, but I'm not sure when he's supposed to arrive. So much for having the space all to myself haha!
It's been quite a while since I last posted - I hope everyone survived this year's abnormal version of the holidays at least as well as I did! 2020 was by far the most infamous year of my lifetime, and yet somehow it slipped away so fast I hardly even know where it went. Now here we are in 2021 - the year so many of us have been anxiously awaiting - but before I jump into a new year I want to take some time to reflect on what the last 12 months have truly held. I am incredibly blessed to have had a 2020 with as many blessings in it as it had struggles. For every hard day, there was a silver lining to be found and held onto, and I think for me that's really what last year was about. I had such grand plans of working with a pioneering team and relocating to Italy, but all of those got swept away in an instant and replaced with an overwhelming sense of uncertainty that would have easily shattered my spirit if I had let it. It took a shocking level of energy to choose joy every day, but as always I didn't have to do it alone. God always provided the right friend to lean on and the right answer to prayer just as I needed it. I spent the holiday weekend reflecting on all the unique experiences I got to have this year and the many things I learned, and by far the biggest one was patience. I think patience is a general virtue I will always be improving on, but this was a new and unique kind of patience. For the first time I felt empowered to have patience with both myself and with God's perfect timing even when I couldn't see it. It was so obvious that this last year's events had nothing to do with my own plans, but I know even Covid-19 can't take God off guard. I know I heard Him clearly to go to Italy, and I know I felt His hand covering me as I went to Kona to pursue that direction, but He also never promised me a date or a time so I had no right to be surprised when those things changed. In hind sight, I've grown in so many ways through this trial by fire that I don't think I could have gotten through any other set of circumstances. And I would rather pursue my future with as much faith and experience under my belt as I can get. For me, 2020 was a process of preparing and equipping me for a life that will continue to be shifting and uncertain no matter where I go or what I'm able to do or not do. Whether I'm readjusting my plans on a daily basis, isolated from the people I love, or simply frustrated with geopolitical events, I know God will still be in control. None of those things are new to a pandemic, and none will end with 2020 either. Life with Him is not meant to be easy. In this world we will have trouble - sometimes directly because of our faith, and other times simply because we live in a broken and fallible world. God promised He would shake everything that could be shaken, but only in order to reveal that which cannot be shaken. Only when tested does the true strength of my faith in Him get revealed and refined. He is the solid foundation that will never fail, and in a year when every other foundation began to crumble, He has continued to stand firm. That's the foundation I want my life to be built upon. There are a lot of comforts and privileges that will most likely get stripped away at one point or another, and some of those really hurt to lose, but this year has shown me that I can actually lose a whole lot more than I thought and still be unshaken. It sounds cheesy, but just that simple realization honestly fills my heart with such gratitude that it brings tears to my eyes as I sit here and write about it. I have done absolutely nothing to earn or deserve this peace, but it's been given to me anyways. The peace that so truly surpasses all understanding and explanation has been given to me because the Prince of Peace is my very best friend, and we're going through these uncertain times together. I don't have peace in this world or in my own ability to make heads or tails of it, but I do have peace to know that God will bring me out the other side in His perfect timing once I have received the gifts of refinement and growth that He has for me. I would rather walk through fire in this world and emerge as a better reflection of His love than to live comfortably and never change. So while 2020 did royally suck, I am so utterly thankful for the work it has brought about in my life and in my family! And now my prayer for 2021 is not that it would be easy, but that it would be equally as rich. I pray that I can continue to learn and grow through whatever new circumstances may come my way, and I pray that if I do make it to Italy this Spring like I'm trying to that I will be even more equipped to represent Him well. This is going to be a year of even greater surrender than ever before, and while surrender and sacrifice hurt, the rewards are always well worth it. I surrender my hopes, my plans, my finances, my energy, my time, and my life to whatever God will bring me to this year. I don't have a clue what will happen with them, but I do know He isn't about to start failing me now. May your 2021 be filled with the richness and beauty of life as it unfolds all around you. There is so much to be thankful for! I pray that you are able to take hold of it and give thanks even in the midst of whatever new trials this year will inevitably bring. "Rejoice in the Lord always—again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentleness be known to all people. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything—but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the shalom of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Messiah Yeshua. Ever since I was young, I loved reading stories of different heroes of the faith and the impacts they each made on the world. The Apostle Paul, of course, pioneered the modern concept of travelling missions, and the New Testament is full of the stories of his travels and the many churches he planted. Gladys Aylward spent her life rescuing abandoned young girls in China. George Muller established 117 schools and cared for 10,024 orphans in his lifetime without ever asking for support from a single person. Corrie Ten Boom was an active member of the Dutch underground during WWII and saved an estimated 800 lives.
Stories like these have stuck with me since childhood and I have no doubt they helped foster my own instinctual desire to do what I can to make the world a better place. They have also served to set a very high bar for what I have subconsciously considered to be an "effective ministry." And while I don't think setting a high bar is always a problem, I'm recently coming to recognize that it has also contributed to a nagging sense that I'm never doing enough, and that is something that does need to be dispelled. I was talking to God about this the other day and He asked me a few simple questions that really helped clarify the concept of missions for me. At the end of the day, a missionary is someone who loves God, sees a problem, and partners with God to help bring a solution. The problem itself will always remain no matter how large or effective a ministry becomes, so eradicating large systemic problems such as poverty, selfishness, racism, and hatred really isn't a healthy goal. But one person can make a difference in the lives of other individuals suffering from those problems. George Muller wasn't able to help every single orphan in England, but he did radically improve the lives of over 10,000 people! Neither did he set out to help even nearly that many when he first started - a goal like that would have seemed far too daunting and impossible, and likely would have gotten in his way rather than helping him achieve it. He simply started by helping one child at a time as they appeared in his life, and he trusted fully in God to provide for however many children was necessary. The net sum of his life in hindsight is a staggering success, and yet I'd be willing to bet that the moment-to-moment reality of it felt way less grand than it sounds and more humbling than I could ever imagine. So the important question for me to ask isn't how to know if my life has been a success, how to know if I'm headed in the right direction, or how to create an effective ministry. The only thing I need to be asking is: what problems in the world is God highlighting to me, and what can I do to partner with Him in bringing the Kingdom of Heaven into those places? In the light of those questions, suddenly a lot of my worries and anxieties become unimportant. The answer is so clear that I feel foolish for not having arrived at it sooner. On the grand scale - my constant and underlying motivation for anything I do, anywhere I go, is to love people well. God has given me a particularly soft heart for the brokenhearted, and eyes to see when someone is hurting even when they try to hide it. I don't always know what to say or how to help, but I know that my own heart breaks with those who I can tell are in pain. At the very least, I can commit to pray for them and release the power of the Comforter over their lives. And thankfully God will often give me little tangible things I can do to help as well. They are rarely grand gestures or anything worth writing home about, but I trust that God can and will use things even as small as a hug or a text to communicate that they are seen and loved in the middle of whatever it is they are going through. On a personal level - my heart has long been burdened for my Jewish brothers and sisters who do not yet know the love of their Messiah. Some have purposefully chosen hardness of heart, but most simply don't know that Yeshua came for them at all. I've heard multiple Jews say they thought Jesus was a white European man who simply started his own religion with no connection to theirs whatsoever, and others who even grew up being told that Jesus hates the Jews! I can't even begin to express how upsetting that is!! It breaks my heart to think that the Son of God came and walked on this earth among His own people only to have His memory become so whitewashed over time that they can't even recognize Him. Unfortunately ministry among the Jews has become very difficult after centuries of oppression and mistrust, but I do truly believe that there is hope and that through the Holy Spirit their eyes can be opened to the hope and light of the gospel. And if I can ever be a carrier of that light into their midst then I will consider myself truly blessed. On the horizon - God has recently brought the nation and people of Italy to my heart, and I am so deeply grateful for that introduction. I only spent a month there in 2018, but that was all it took to plant a deep love inside my heart and a desire to see God's hand at work in their midst. What was most highlighted to me was the gaping lack of vibrant, active Christian community available for the people to connect to. I myself looked for a church or youth group of some kind to connect with and only found a couple stray individuals with whom I could fellowship - and they were fellow travelers like myself, not locals at all. The country of Italy is brimming with stunning art and massive cathedrals left behind from centuries of Catholicism, yet the people my age showed no interest or desire for anything of God. They've been culturally steeped in Christian tradition, yet given none of the life blood and therefore walked away from God entirely. It's in this "post-Christian" culture that I so desperately long to see a fresh move of God emerge! I want to see there be a safe place for the youth to find hope and to practice loving one another as God loves. I want to see their deep passion for art and music to be translated into expressions of worship! And I want to see this community be one that shines the light of God's love into every corner of Italian society - both for the locals and for the many visitors drawn to their beautiful shores every year. I know that my life is both small and short, and I have to let go of the notion that the difference I make will be significant or memorable, but that doesn't mean it's not a difference worth making. I know God would not put these burdens on my heart without reason, and I also have faith that my efforts are but the smallest seed from which God can grow something totally new and unexpected. It's not my responsibility to change the world or even to accomplish the tasks set before me, but it is my responsibility to respond faithfully to what I have heard God speak and to follow where I see Him moving. I don't expect this struggle with self doubt to end today or anytime soon, but I am encouraged to remember that God is the one in control. He is the only one who can give weight or meaning to the efforts of my life, and I never want to stifle what He is doing in me by trying to take that control into my own hands. I hope that if anyone else can relate to this struggle that you will also be encouraged by that reminder. God is so much bigger and better than we give Him credit for, and nothing I could ever try to do will ever measure up to what He can do through me when I simply let go of the reigns and let Him. |
ErikaJeremiah 29:11 Archives
March 2023
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