I feel like everyone has something that they continually need to work on. As we grow and mature, we discover our identity, values, strengths, and weaknesses. General character growth is always a continual process, but there do seem to be one or two key qualities that tend to lag behind the others. For me, that's saying No. I have long known that boundaries are something I struggle to keep for myself, and no matter how far I've come, that always seems to be the biggest chink in my armor.
Anyone who knows me well knows that I love people and I would do anything for those I care about. The negative flip side of that coin is that I often say Yes even when I know I shouldn't. This has led to a lot of undue stress on my part, and unfortunately the first place I start feeling that pressure is in my daily times with God. As soon as my life gets over-busy, my mind feels cluttered. All of those little things start piling up and shoving God into the corners of my mind instead of the center, where He belongs. I hate that feeling!! I can't count how many times I've come to God agonizing over that distance, and He asks me the same question each time: "What are your Yes's?" When you say Yes to one thing, you're also saying No to anything else that would want that place in your life. If I say Yes to taking a class at 12:30, I'm not going to make any other appointments at that time. If I don't have a solid Yes, little less-important things will inevitably cram their way in. But when I know exactly what I've said Yes to, that automatically keeps me balanced. When I'm sure of my Yes's, the No's aren't hard. The only problem with that is that I'm so much less sure of my Yes's now. They've lost their concreteness because I'm no longer sure of what they are. In other words, it's become harder for me to value what truly deserves to be a Yes. Part of that, I'm sure, is because I just had a very big Yes ripped away from me, so I'm still reeling a bit. While that has temporarily stunted my confidence in decision making, I don't want to let it become my excuse for living unhealthily. I recently took this to God in prayer again and He led me to Psalm 16:6. "My boundary lines fall in pleasant places - surely my heritage is beautiful." David didn't write this when he was sitting in a comfy chair in the palace gardens. He wrote it while he was hiding for his life in the desert with only a handful of loyal men and no idea how God was going to rescue him. That impacts me deeply. David's view of the boundary lines where God had placed him didn't have to do with which rock he was laying his head on at night. The boundaries in which God had placed him were the promises He had given, and his heritage was itself to walk with God. He valued what he had even when he had nothing because he knew that a promise from God was as good as money in the bank. I want to walk in that kind of confidence in the future God has for me. I want to value His word to that degree, and to carry it with me as I figure out what is and is not worth my focus. He also used this to speak to me about contentment. If I know where God has placed me in this time and I know that my heritage is beautiful, then I shouldn't care about what's on the next hill over. Yes, it may also look beautiful, but it's not worth leaving my heritage for. No matter how green the grass may look on the other side of the fence, I have no reason to dream about going over there when the grass where I am is what God has given me. This is the beauty He has handpicked for me in this current time, and I want to value His promises for me to the degree that I don't wish for anything else.
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March 2023
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