A lot has happened in the last year or so and I honestly haven’t felt stable enough to document it along the way, but now with some 2020 hindsight (no pun intended) I can see how it was all connected... I’ll rewind all the way back to April 2021 - a little over a year ago. I had moved to Italy with every dream and intention of making a life there, and yet after one agonizingly long month I felt chewed up and spit out by the place I had so wanted to call home. So much for that dream.
With no plans or opportunities lined up for me in California (everyone thought I was gone for good so there wasn’t exactly a welcoming committee waiting for me), my extended family in Idaho took me in and gave me a safe place to fall apart and sort myself out. It was beyond generous of them and was exactly what I needed. I got to spend some long-overdue quality time with my nieces and nephews, and also with myself.
I finally let myself ask God the hard questions and grapple with His answers (or sometimes the lack thereof). It was from that freshly-cleaned slate that God gave me the clarity I needed. After 20 long years, the first dream I’d ever had about my life was still as real as ever, and I finally acknowledged that it wasn’t going away. Other dreams have come and gone, but this one never changed. And so I emerged with a new willingness to put everything I have left back on the line to pursue something completely impossible: the life of a storyteller. I’ve spent the last year laying this dream before God and asking Him to do the impossible. I’ve been expanding my skill set and trying to build up my portfolio as best I can, but even my best efforts are never going to compare to His help. If He doesn’t make it happen, I’m not going anywhere.
I’m still applying for jobs and still waiting for God to open the right door at the right time... It just appears I’ll be waiting down in LA rather than here in Santa Rosa. It’s not how I would have planned it, but sometimes that’s sort of the point haha. My plan gets in my own way too much. If this is how He wants my path to turn, then I trust Him to provide for it. All that is to say, God has done a lot in my heart and in my life. I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing, and zero guarantee that this won’t be yet another colossal failure. But even my failures have taught me valuable lessons about God and about myself, and I was always given the opportunity to help at least a couple people along the way so I suppose they aren’t such bad failures after all. I’m done letting the fear of “failure” be the reason for not trying. Nothing God has ever called me to do has been easy. It’s always required massive leaps of faith, and I’ve never regretted taking them. I would rather leap and know that I’m in His hands than to do what I know is “safe” in my own strength. My heart as a missionary has always been to love the lost, the broken, and the hurting the way Jesus would. To bring freedom by speaking truth into the darkness. My mission field used to be in other countries, and in many ways my mission here remains the same. I want to love people well and to let them know that Jesus loves them too. I want to bring the Holy Spirit with me into movie sets, coffee shops, pitch meetings, brainstorming sessions, and anywhere else that I might have the privilege of going. My skills are limited, but His are mighty. And I know that whatever does or doesn’t happen in this new season of life will be for His glory one way or another. I also know that I can’t do this alone. I’ve only survived these last few years because of the love and prayers of my community, and that need is about to increase significantly. I’m stepping into a very dark and very intense place, and I need the covering of your prayers now more than ever. Please let me know if you are willing to commit to be on my prayer team for this next year as I get established in LA and wait to see what God does next.
3 Comments
Ykeallo
8/17/2022 10:23:57 pm
Thanks for your honesty and transparency. You'll be a light where ever you go. Put me down for that prayer list 🙏🏽
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SUSAN STRONG
8/18/2022 08:55:29 pm
Of course I want to be on your prayer team, even as I hope you know you are always welcome to stay with us!
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Jessica Puccioni
9/1/2022 08:24:25 am
I would love to be on your prayer team! I will also come and visit you when I can. So happy and excited for you! Love you so much! :)
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