I've been home for over 3 weeks...wow, that feels weird to say. Time takes on a whole new meaning when you live in 3 month increments. It tends to pass differently in each place I go, too. In Kona, the days are long but the weeks just seem to fly by. On Outreach, every day and week seem to drag on, then suddenly you are done and you wonder where the time went.
Home is different. The days feel dramatically shorter and I find myself feeling incredibly unproductive compared to what I've been used to. I think part of it also has to do with not feeling at home. Yes, this is the house my family lives in, but I still don't feel like this new house is "home" quite yet. That's not a problem, really; after all, I've spent the last 15 months jumping from place to place, but now this feels like just another house I live in instead of a home I can call my own. It's on the way towards feeling like home, but I don't know if it will hold that sentimental tie to my heart anytime soon. In the mean time, I've been looking forward to what January holds for me. The School of Illustration! Of course, I don't want my anticipation of the school to prevent me from being in the here and now, but at the same time I am glad to know what I'm heading towards. My heart is torn between two semi-homes and wanting to pick one. This place has the potential to be a wonderful home base for me to come back to from wherever I go, but I am still in the process of making it such. Kona is where I've spent the majority of my time since joining YWAM, it's my base and I feel attached to it. Still, the nature of living in YWAM is being a part of the constant flow of people coming and going in 3 month increments and I don't know how long I can pour my heart into such an environment. For now, though, it's perfect. Perfect to have both and to receive all the training they can each give me. And with that, I come back to the here-and-now. I'm treasuring my time with my little sister, who is 11 now and growing up so fast. She's changed so much in the time I spent away and I am just loving being a part of her world again. I'm remembering what an awesome family and group of friends I have in my life and choosing to spend as much quality time with them as possible. I love planning about and praying into the places God is leading me, but right now the people in front of me are way more important than the mountains in the distance. He reminds me of that, too, every time I start to worry or plan about what I don't know about my future. I know He's got it under control and that I won't be here forever, so I should make the time last. He knows where He's taking me, how I'm going to get there, and how it will be provided for. It can be hard, but I'm learning how to take a deep breath and let that just be my reality and let my heart position be "OK, Lord, I trust you."
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