This last week was a unique challenge for me that I’ve never had to deal with in all the years that I’ve done missions - I got sick. Like good-and-proper sick. I’ve dealt with a couple sniffles here and there before, but nothing like full-blown bronchitis in the heat and humidity of Hawaii. I’m convinced there is nothing in this world that could have possibly prepared me for being cooped up in a stuffy, air-conditionless dorm room for 12+ days straight while struggling to breathe.
There is something uniquely miserable about having a fever and chills on a rickety top bunk when all you want in the world is to snuggle up on your own couch back home. Homesickness got a whole new definition for me once I became completely unable to function or help myself, and I realized that my mama wasn’t here to help take care of me either. Beyond feeling miserable and constantly struggling to breathe, being truly sick also came as a massive hit to the pride of my self-sufficiency. It takes a lot of humility to ask brand new friends for help when you’re so used to being able to take care of yourself and others. And it also takes a lot of emotional fortitude and optimism to stay positive even after having to say “no, I’m still not feeling any better” for the fifteenth time each day. Yet rather than letting my physical weakness and literally suffocating inabilities twist my perspective on my current situation, I chose to be thankful that so many people here do care about me and have been checking in to see how I’m doing. And even when I wished I could give them better news, I could still give them a genuine smile in knowing that I am blessed and could be in so much worse of a place than this. I know God has brought me to this place in this time for a reason, and not even a freaky viral infection is going to steal God’s glory. I have been so incredibly blessed by the friends I’ve made here and how genuinely they care about my wellbeing. My heart is so full of God’s peace in knowing that I’m loved and cared for, and that He can use me to love and encourage others even from the confines of my sickbed if that’s what He so chooses. My physical limitations are nothing to God, and He can and will use everything for the building of His kingdom. I have learned greater depths of resting into my own weakness so that I can lean on His strength to get me through. I have also learned how much He can do in the middle of my circumstances no matter what they may look like. I don’t need to be the one taking care of myself or anyone else because my life is already in His hands. He is the author, definer, and defender of my life, and I can happily lean into Him to provide for my wellbeing in every minute of every day. Those are things I already knew cognitively, and now know on a much more visceral level of literally trusting God for the strength for each next breath. Now I’m on the path to recovery and taking all of the right expectorants and antibiotics the clinic doctors have prescribed for me. I’m noticing small but steady improvements in my energy and strength every day since starting this regimen on Friday, and I’m hoping that I can return to the classroom in a day or two. But even if this recovery isn’t quick and I have to spend yet another week resting in a stuffy dim room, I’m choosing to be thankful for the many blessings around me and for the opportunity to learn more about trusting God in my day to day.
2 Comments
Jessica Puccioni
2/26/2020 01:25:01 pm
I'm so sorry you're so sick, but I'm glad to hear that you're starting to recover and you're taking care of yourself :) I'm so envious in how you always look to the positive and always try to do the next right thing. You have such a great head on your shoulders and I'm so proud of you for coming so far on this journey and in your life :) Love you so much!
Reply
Grace Birkenes
2/26/2020 03:02:27 pm
My love I am so proud of you and so excited for all that is coming your way. Thank you for sharing your struggle and being so real and choosing to see His blessing in all of this. I love you so so much and I miss you terribly but I know that God has you in a position of incredible movement for His kingdom. You are my sister and I wish I had the right words to tell you how much love I have for you!
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
ErikaJeremiah 29:11 Archives
March 2023
Categories |
|