This week I went through a little trial by fire, to which I will not give much detail because it is now in the past and not much worth dwelling on. In short, I had to wrestle with what to do when one of our teachers' opinions directly contrasted with my own understanding of the scriptures and how to love and forgive this man even though he said some very hurtful and offensive things. This occurrence really sent me to God as my comforter and the source of my strength. I had to go to Him to have the strength to love and forgive in a way that I am not capable of doing on my own. It really highlighted how much I need Him because I am rarely strong enough on my own to do anything that is truly stretching.
It's also been on my mind to change the way I tell my testimony... (these things are connected in my brain and I'll try to make sense as I write it down. If not, I'm sorry if it seems like I'm jumping around a bit) I feel like testimonies are usually a story that goes something like: "this is how messed up I was, this is how I found Jesus, and this is how He either radically encountered me or changed my life in some significant way." Most testimonies I've heard follow this pattern, and I usually do too when I'm telling mine, but it doesn't sit well with me. Here's why... I don't love Jesus because of my memories. Although I have some pretty awesome ones, that's all they are - moments from the past. I have some old friends that I have really good memories of, but that I haven't talked to in years. That's not the kind of relationship I want to have with Jesus. I love Jesus because I have an active relationship with Him. I love Him for who He is right here and right now with me. He's my best friend in the whole world and He knows me better than anyone else. Better yet, He knows all of my shortcomings and still likes to hang out with me! I can talk to Him more than anyone else I know and He always knows how to make me smile! He calls me higher. He challenges me. He enjoys spending time with me. He knows my story - what makes me me - even better than I do. He understands me even when I don't. He's so encouraging and always here for me. I can be whoever I am around Him - sad, happy, angry, excited, exhausted, depressed, curious, worried...anything. That's why I love Him. That's why He's worth it all. That's what I want my story to be. Not a few instances of times where He really came through in the past, but the day to day reality of Him being with me through highs and lows and making both better - especially in instances like this week where I was melting down and He scooped me back up and gave me the courage to be filled with His love when I didn't have enough of my own. <3
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