So - one month later and we’re still standing! Life is trying it’s best to get back to normal and I’m torn between wanting to jump right back into everything and knowing that I am far from done processing. Sleep has still been elusive and the strangest little things set off reactions I never would have had before, repeatedly reminding me that I need to be ok with not being ok all the time. My instinctual coping mechanism has always been to tackle my responsibilities head on and get whatever impossibly large amount of work is in front of me done, but this time is different. This time I haven’t been able to just grind away day after day. This time I feel those human limitations taking hold and I’m reminded that I’m not the one who’s job it is to take care of me. The Hebrew word Shalom gets translated as peace, but it literally means God’s power to consume/control the chaos in your life. I’ve definitely been needing some of that! Likewise the Hebrew concept of Shabbat gets translated as sabbath, but we have largely forgotten what it is for. Shabbat is taking time to intentionally rest in knowing that God is the One who takes care of me - embracing Shalom. It’s stopping whatever my regular work is and taking the time to be refreshed. This usually ends up meaning taking a day off, but it goes deeper than that... For me, it’s hard to rest even on my day off because my mind is still running with everything I have to get done tomorrow. It’s full of lists and planning, and no matter how much has already been taken care of it still finds things to “work” on. I haven’t actually stopped working, I’ve just stopped being productive. That’s what made me realize I was leaning on myself instead of God. If I was leaning on God as my provider every day of the week instead of just one, it would be easy and natural for me to leave the work week behind on Saturday. Yes, I still have to go to work because I still need to eat and pay the bills, but I don’t have to do so as my own provider. To paraphrase Isaiah 30:15-17, my strength is in quietness and trust. I have learned a lot from Israel’s journey with God in the Old Testament, and this passage highlights one very important lesson they never seemed to learn for long. Fighting their enemy was not their mistake - God often led the Israelites into battle and gave them victory against astounding odds - their mistake was fighting alone. The crucial difference between the times God led them to victory and the times they were beaten down was that in one case God was their deliverer before and after the battle. When they lost it was because they were fighting out of their own strength and timing rather than God’s. A similar outward action was needed to meet the same need, but from an entirely different source and motivation, leading to the opposite effects. The same may very well go for us today. Living out of Shabbat doesn’t necessarily mean not having a job or commitments, but it means that I don’t rely on my job to be what provides for me and gives me security. My welfare is not wrapped up in how hard I work or how well I perform - it’s in God’s hands, and that’s why I can simply do my best and trust Him to take care of what I can’t (which is a lot). For me to truly enter into Shabbat on the weekend, I need to be living from Shabbat all the time - recognizing that He is my priority and He will take care of the little things for me as long as I let go and trust Him to do so.
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ErikaJeremiah 29:11 Archives
March 2023
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